子育て中、味方のはずの実母に
イライラしてしまうことありますよね。
産後のガルガル期や、ホルモンバランスの乱れで、
ただでさえイライラしてしまうのに、
遠慮のない実母の発言や行動に、
さらにストレスが募ってしまいます。
今回は、その実母へのイライラ解消法
について紹介します。
なぜ実母にイライラするのか
子育てで悩んだり迷ったりするとき、
１番に相談したくなるのが実母ですよね。
私も、どうしたらいいのかと自分から
相談を持ち掛けたのに、アドバイスされて
イライラしてけんかしたことがあります。
産後は、体力的にも精神的にも慣れない育児に
追い込まれ、自分になかなか余裕が持てません。
なぜ泣いているか分からない子供、
一生懸命作った離乳食を食べてくれない子供、
激しい夜泣きをする子供など…育児には悩みは尽きません。
それに加えて、自分のホルモンバランスの乱れもあり、
１人目の育児の時には、常にいっぱいいっぱいの状態でした。
自分の育児がこれであっているのか、
この子の成長は正常の範囲内なのか、誰かから
「大丈夫だよ」って声をかけてもらいたいですよね。
そんな時、実母に相談したり愚痴を言ったりする人が
多いと思います。
しかし、実母からは聞きたい言葉じゃなく、
案外無神経な言葉をかけられてしまうことが多いですよね。
「もっとミルクを足した方がいい」や
「抱き方が違うのではないか」など、
そういうアドバイスが聞きたいわけではないのに…
というようなことを言われます。
また、昔はこうだったなどと自分の時の育児と
比較していろいろ言われたりしても、
今は時代が違うのに…とイライラしてしまいます。
お互いに気を遣わずに言葉を交わせる実母だからこそ、
言われたくないことを言われたときには、
カチンときてしまいますし、思わず言い返して
けんかになってしまうこともあると思います。
実母にイライラしないためには
自分の状況を説明する
実母にイライラしないためには、１つは相談する前に
自分の置かれている状況を詳しく説明することです。
今、育児についてすごく悩んでいるけれど、
何か答えが欲しいわけじゃなくて、
話を聞いてほしいということ、
そして何か思ったとしても私の育児を肯定してほしい、
頑張っていることを認めてほしいということを
最初に伝えることが大切です。
実母に相談するとき、もちろん具体的な解決策が
欲しい場合もありますが、誰かに自分の育児は
間違っていないんだよ、頑張っているよと
認めてもらいたいという気持ちがあると思います。
どうしてもつらくて、今あなたに助けを求めているんだ
ということを最初に伝えておきましょう。
ストレス発散
２つ目は、ストレス発散に利用することです。
利用と書くと、少し嫌な印象がありますが、
人間ですから、イライラしてしまうことは
必ずあります。
でも家庭でイライラしたとして、
子供にはあたれませんし、
解消する術がありませんよね。
母親に対してイライラしてしまったとき、
思ったことを我慢せずに伝えてみると、
それが逆にストレス発散になることがあります。
毎日、赤ちゃん相手に満足に会話もできていない方も
多いと思います。
たまには、実母と話して思い切り言い返して、
思っていることをすべて吐き出してみるのもいいと思います。
もちろん吐き出した後は、時間をおいてからでも、
きちんと謝罪し、自分がどのような状況だったのか、
何を考えていたのかを冷静に伝えることは大切です。
ただし、実母と言っても人間ですから、
実母を傷つけるような言葉選びをしたり、
人格を否定するような発言をしてはいけませんよ。
実母にイライラしてしまったときは
それでも、実母にイライラしてしまったときは、
物理的にも精神的にも距離を置きましょう。
子供と笑顔で過ごせるように、なるべく
イライラしてしまう因子は遠ざけることが大切です。
実母ですから、少し距離を置いたところで、
また普通に会話することができるようになりますし、
元の関係に戻るのも簡単ですよね。
大好きな実母だからこそ、甘えの心が出てしまって
ついイライラしてしまうのです。
自分の１番の理解者であった実母。
その実母が自分の欲しい言葉をくれない、
認めてくれないと思うからイライラしてしまいます。
でも、自分が今母親になれているのは、
実母が一生懸命愛情をかけて育ててくれたからです。
自分が今、子供にしているように、
何もできない赤ちゃんの頃から、ずっと手をかけ、
見守り続けてきてくれたおかげなのです。
子供にとってあなたが母親であっても、
実母からしたら、あなたはまだまだ子供なのです。
いろいろ口出ししたくなったり、アドバイスを
したくなったりしてしまうのです。
そして、あなたの子供は、実母からしたら大切な孫ですから、
よけいにおせっかいを焼きたくなってしまうのです。
そのことをまずは理解することが大切です。
そして、そのうえで、
- 自分が実母にどうしてほしいのか
- 具体的なアドバイスが欲しいのか
- ただ話を聞いてほしいだけなのか
- 自分の育児を認めてほしいのか
きちんと伝えていくことが大事だと思います。
あなたにとって子供が宝物であるように、
実母にとってあなたは宝物なのです。
育児に悩んだとき、つらいとき、
自分の気持ちを素直に実母に伝え、
いい関係を保ちながら子育てしていけるといいですね。
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